Appreciate the Power of Grief to Transform (PDF)

Appreciate the Power of Grief to Transform  Overview • Cultural influence • Connection between loss, grief and the work of mourning • Barriers to supporting others in their grief • Communication skills that open dialogue with grieving patients and families  Quote from Story People She held her grief behind her eyes like an ocean And when she leaned into the day… it spilled onto the floor And she wiped at it quickly with her foot And pretended no one had seen  Cultural Influence • “As a death-denying society, we often deny the need to express grief and feel the pain that accompanies a loss, which are both beneficial to healing.” (Matzo, Sherman, Lo, Egan, Grant, Rhome, 2003, p. 72) • “In America, we have an epidemic of grieving people who have never done their grief work.” (Wolfelt, 2001) • “Blessed are those who mourn quickly and efficiently for they meet our criteria for managed care.” (Wolfelt, ADEC)  Societal Cost of Unresolved Grief The costs of short-circuiting or bypassing the grief process are staggering to our society. (Bishop-Becker, 2005, p. 4)  Grief Index Key Cost Findings Death of Loved One………………….$37.6 billion Divorce……………………………………..$11.1 billion Family Crisis…………………………………..$9 billion Financial Loss……………………………..$4.5 billion Death (extended family, friends)……$7 billion Pet Loss………………………………………$2.4 billion Other Losses……………………………….$1.2 billion Total……………………………….…………$75.1 billion (James & Friedman, 2003, p. 4)  Personal Cost of Unresolved Grief • Depression / anxiety • Cardiovascular risk and immune system weakness • Complicated grief • Substance abuse • Recurring illness and increased healthcare costs • Decreased workplace productivity • Longer-term unemployment • Marital strife • Financial decline • Mortality • Impact on health care providers (WinterSpring, 2015, pp. 1-2)  Losses Create Grief Reactions • Ability to trust • Body part • Childhood • Culture • Death • Diagnosis • Divorce • Dreams • Empty nest • Faith • Freedom • Future • Integrity • Mobility • Moving • Opportunity • Pet • Prognosis • Property • Safety • Status • Time • Voice • Youth  Definition of Grief Grief: the combination of complex and often conflicting thoughts and feelings that a person experiences following a loss or change. • Normal • Natural • Non-linear • Universally human • Individually unique • Not a disease that requires a treatment • Not a problem that needs a solution or to be fixed  Definition of Mourning Mourning: the external expression of thoughts and feelings in a way that is unique to the individual and for the purposes of integrating the loss into one’s life.  Common Misconceptions • Grief and mourning are the same thing. • Progress through grief in predictable, orderly stages. • Move away from grief, not toward it. • Tears are a sign of weakness.  Common Misconceptions, cont’d • Being upset or openly mourning means you are being “weak” in your faith. • After a death, you only grieve and mourn for the physical loss of the person. • Don’t think about the person who died on holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays.  Common Misconceptions, cont’d • After a death, the goal should be to “get over” your grief as soon as possible. • Nobody can help you with your grief. • When grief and mourning are finally reconciled, they never come up again. (Wolfelt, 2003, pp. 21-34)  Common Myths • Don’t feel bad. • Replace the loss. • Grieve alone. • Just give it time. • Be strong for others. • Keep busy. (James and Friedman, 1998, p. 35)  Common Grief Reactions - PHYSICAL • Pain • Fatigue • Sleep and appetite disruption • Tension • Restlessness • Heavy feeling in chest • Irritability • Hollow feeling in stomach • Feeling of tightness in throat • Heartache • Dry mouth • Increased sensitivity to stimuli • “Grief Attacks” • “Sympathy pains” (Lunche, 1997)