Pet-Loss-Grief-Brochure Edenhills - Lawnswood (PDF)

Support for you and your family Pet Loss and Grief Pet Cremation Pet Cremation   We’re here to support you in any way we can. Because we’ve been through it too. Your Edenhill s Family The Edenhills story began in 1984, with our animal- loving family dedicated to offering personal and affordable pet cremation and funeral services. We understand how diffi cult it is to say goodbye to a beloved family member, and the importance of honouring their memory. Our team is a family of animal lovers who are ready to support you through your grief, whenever and wherever you may need us. Contents Pet parents in grief 4 Pet parents in grief 4 Children in grief 7 Children in grief 7 The emotions of euthanasia 9 The emotions of euthanasia 9 Pets in grief 13 Pets in grief 13 Memorialisation 15 Memorialisation 15 Preparing for the loss of your pet 16 Preparing for the loss of your pet 16 Holding a goodbye service 19 Holding a goodbye service 19  When someone we love dies, it leaves a feeling of loss and emptiness in our lives. As beloved family members, saying goodbye to a pet can be devastating. By physically expressing your grief, you will help move your bereaved heart on a journey through grief to grief reconciliation. What can I do? It may take weeks or months to acknowledge the full reality of your pet’s loss. Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time, so it’s important to focus on what feels right for you. By kind to yourself as you prepare for the ‘new normal’ of a life without your beloved pet. Though it is sad and diffi cult to experience the emotions around your loss during this time, it’s an important part of the grieving process. Treasure your memories Our memories allow our pets to live on in our hearts. When you are ready, take some time to look at past photos or write your pet a letter or poem to commemorate your time together. Pet parents in grief: To mourn and heal  Find yourself Part of your self-identity might come from being a pet parent, or having people associate you with your pet. You may be the person who walked their Staffy around the neighbourhood, or the friend whose cat loved to snuggle onto laps. Adjusting to this change is a central part of mourning. Asking for support Grief isn’t something you can just ‘get over.’ It’s something you need to get through, which is why the support of family and friends is so important. Talking with others who have recently lost a pet is also helpful. The sound of silence The silence in your home after the loss of a pet can be deafeningly loud. Being aware of the ‘presence of their absence’ will help prepare you for their loss and the fl ood of emotions it brings. Your special bond Above all, you and your pet shared a special bond, one that others might fi nd diffi cult to understand. Some well-meaning friends or family members might say ‘he was just a dog’ or ‘she was just a cat’ without understanding the special bond you shared. Know that your grief is normal and the bond you and your pet shared deserves to be mourned. 5   Helping your child to grieve As an adult, it’s important to let your child to ‘lead’ the journey through the grieving process. Children are naturally inclined to show their feelings, and will teach you what they need to mourn. Children will mourn in doses and have bursts of sadness. They will mourn, then play, mourn some more and then play again. They will let you know when they are ready to talk, cry or need a hug. This is a healthy way for young ones to move themselves from grief to reconciliation. Your role is to give them the space they need to grieve in their own way. Try to model your grieving behaviour in a way that lets children follow your lead and feel safe and comfortable in expressing their own feelings. Saying goodbye, together Saying goodbye to a pet friend may often be a child’s fi rst experience of death. They will want to be given a chance to remember their pet and relive the life they shared. This process will be an integral part of their grief journey. Children in grief: Understanding their journey 7  Allow your child to see when you cry and are grieving so they know it’s okay to feel sad. To help honour your pet’s memory together, you could set up a ‘tribute table’ in your home to display all the items that remind you of your pet, such as photos and toys. Your child can also add their own pictures or stories to the table. Some pet owners also take comfort from arranging a memorial service to pay tribute to their pet. Let your child help you decide on readings, poems, letters or music to play at the service. You can also create a personalised marker to your pet in your backyard, or work on a scrapbook, journal or photograph album together. As a family, you may also like to donate to a local animal shelter in memory of your pet. Saying the right words In talking to a child about the death of their pet, it is important to use the correct terminology to describe what has happened. Using words like ‘death’, ‘dead’ and ‘died’ is more helpful to children than using words like ‘sleeping’, ‘gone to the farm’ or ‘adopted by another family.’ Pretending will only create confusion and unresolved feelings of grief for your child  Making the decision to euthanise your pet is enormously diffi cult. Your veterinarian will be there to answer your questions and support you through this decision. At this time, it is important to remember that you are the pet parent and know them better than anyone. You are intuitively aware of your pet’s emotions and feelings, which you will need to consider during this emotional decision- making time. If you have already decided to have your pet euthanised, trust that you have made the right decision with the information you have and your pet’s best interests at heart. There is no right or wrong choice, only a loving choice. Making sense of your emotions Whilst it may seem unbearably hard to stay with your pet during the euthanasia procedure, you will have the peace of mind to know your pet had the comfort of your presence during their fi nal moments. You will have a lot of emotions at this time. Before making your decision, it may be helpful to fi rst speak to your vet about the euthanasia process. You can also receive other helpful information through: • A pet hospice group to assist with pain management for your pet at home • Friends who understand the importance of your pet • Counsellors specialising in end-of-life pet care • Pet loss support groups The emotions of euthanasia 9  Managing the guilt Pet parents who are placed in the position of making a life- or-death decision for their pets often refer to their plight as having to ‘play God.’ As a pet parent, knowing your pet is suffering, whether physically or mentally, will be part of your decision-making process when discussing euthanasia. Considering the following factors can be a helpful start: • When my pet stops enjoying treats • When my pet stops eating • When my pet can no longer fi nd their litter box • When my pet can no longer fi nd the door The decision to euthanise will never be an easy one. Don’t be afraid to ask friends and family for support during this time, and be kind to yourself. A heartfelt choice Making this decision for your pet will involve others who have been part of your pet’s life, such as family members, friends, other pets and your vet. Understanding everyone’s emotional connection to the relationship they shared with your pet will also help to guide you before, during and after euthanasia. It’s also important to remember everyone has their own viewpoints. Try not to be overwhelmed by the opinions of others and stick to your decision – after all, you know your pet better than anyone. This is a good time to give everyone the opportunity to farewell your pet with fi nal hugs or pats, or to give your pet a special treat or toy to create a truly meaningful goodbye.  11   Animals experience feelings of loss just like humans do, and can also express their loss in a variety of different ways. As a pet parent, it’s important to be aware of your pet’s feelings during this time, and help them mourn the loss of their companion. My other pet’s emotions Your pet may visibly show signs of mourning, such as: • Loss of appetite, restless sleep or wandering aimlessly • Being quieter than normal in their communication (barking or miaowing) • Being more vocal than normal in their communication (barking or miaowing) • Constant searching for their pet friend • Demanding more attention than normal • Having no desire to be social Your other pets should also be given the opportunity to say goodbye to their pet friend. It is distressing to a pet to see a member of the household leave and never return. If it is not possible to have the remaining pets at home to say goodbye, take a snippet of a lock of fur so that they will have something to smell to help them understand their pet friend has died. Some possible behaviours your other pets may show during this time include: Pets in grief: Helping you help them 13  • Sniffi ng the deceased body to confi rm the death • Laying beside your deceased pet • Trying to ‘bury’ the deceased pet by moving dirt with their nose or by pulling a blanket over the body • Howling or whimpering • Pawing at the body as if trying to wake them up • Bringing a favourite toy over to the deceased pet to play • It may also be possible for your pet to show no signs at all Their grief journey There are some things you can do to help your pet during this time, which can also help you through your grief, too. These include: • Keeping your pet’s routine the same • Giving your pet extra care and attention • Giving your pet something with your deceased pet’s scent on it for comfort • Taking your pet on a favourite outing, such as a car ride • Taking longer walks together, so your pet won’t have to be alone • Allowing your pet to sleep in areas that he or she would not have slept in the past, such as the deceased pet’s chair or bed • Talking to your pet about their lost friend – tell them how you are grieving too, and give them ‘permission’ to grieve as well • If the deceased pet was the ‘alpha’ leader of the house, know the remaining pets will now have to re-establish order in the home You and your pet are both grieving the loss of a friend. Allow yourself time and patience to pay tribute to their memory and mourn the special bond that has gone.  There is no right or wrong way to memorialise your beloved pet. What you and your family decide to do to pay tribute to your beloved pet has to be right for you. The fi rst part of your decision is a practical one: cremation or burial? Many factors will play a part in your decision, such as living arrangements, opinions of friends and family, religion, costs, or council regulations. Your future living situation may factor into your decision, too. Once you have made the fi nal arrangements, you also have a number of options available to honour your pet’s memory. These include: • Urns (wooden, ceramic or metal) • Memorial jewellery • Memorial glass domes • Teddy bears • Burial garden plaques • Engraved stones Memorialisation: To honour and pay tribute 15