The Self-Esteem Workbook (PDF)

 “What a wonderful workbook! Even for those of us who feel we have a high level of self-esteem, this book provides insight and techniques for improving those areas that sometimes make us question ourselves and our self-worth. With some of my more difficult physical therapy patients, I often employ the cognitive rehearsal technique of acknowledging what is ‘right’ about themselves to break their negative views of themselves or their situation. This in itself often leads to an acceleration in the healing process.” —Linda C. Harvey, M.A., P.T., Physical Therapy Role Extender for Rehabilitation Coordinator, Visiting Nurses Association of Maryland “Every page is full of profound ideas to clarify the value of positive self-esteem. The easy exercises promote deep contemplation of how we paint a picture of our current selves and then give solid directions on improving that perception. It is impossible to read this book without feeling better about oneself and others. It should be required reading for every living soul.” —Robert L. Bunnell, M.S., PA-C, marketing coordinator, University of Utah Physician Assistant Program Executive Director, Utah Academy of Physician Assistants “The book is excellent. We are already using it in our self-esteem presentations! Well done and many thanks . . . It’s one of the first and finest self-esteem resource guide books that offers in-depth information in a grounded, useful way.” —Jacqueline Miller, Maryland Governor’s Task Force on Self-Esteem “As a former legislative aide to John Vasconcellos and the Self-Esteem effort, I found the book to be practical and impactful in its suggested activities. It can enlighten the thinking and enrich a person’s experience of their own self-esteem.” —Andy Michael, Aide to Assemblyman John Vasconcellos, California Task Force on Self-Esteem “I was first introduced to these mental health principles and skills as a student in Schiraldi’s Stress and the Healthy Mind course. Not only have they proven useful for helping certain friends and family members, but I have also taken every opportunity to teach them to my students and the student teachers I supervise. Of the many self-esteem books on the market, this is the only one I know that actually equips readers with the skills necessary to effect changes in their own lives.” —Stephen L. Brown, Ph.D., Southern Illinois University “Glenn Schiraldi has created a hands-on program that can be used as a complete program or for counselors wishing to add specific exercises to treatment. This book is certainly appropriate for continuing education of counselors as well as an office manual. The material is current and well organized.” —Thomas W. Clawson, Executive Director, National Board of Certified Counselors  “Glenn Schiraldi challenges our previous understanding of self-esteem as a somewhat esoteric concept through a unique and refreshing approach that is brilliant in its simplicity. The approach unfolds logically, beginning with a definition and supporting model, followed by a holistic, realistic skill-building approach to nurturing self-esteem . . . simply brilliant. As evidence of the book’s versatility and richness and the best endorsement that I could give a book, I have used it extensively as a mental health resource, as an invaluable teaching tool for courses with college students, and as a gift to close friends.” —Melissa Hallmark Kerr, M.A., Ph.D., college instructor, health consultant “I began reading The Self-Esteem Workbook largely to help others, and I was surprised to find it was a great help to me too. We all need a boost in our self-esteem. I have given the book to others.” —Tracey A. Shoopack, M.B.A., contracts manager “Glenn Schiraldi’s methods are grounded in research and real-life application. Being able to work directly with him changed the way that I view stress management. In lieu of working with Glenn daily, being able to read, and reread, his book has enhanced my life in countless ways.” —S. Kathleen Jennings, former student of Glenn Schiraldi “It’s obvious that this book is a labor of love that was many years in the making. It shows that self-esteem can be increased, regardless of one’s upbringing, past environment, and experiences. The readings and exercises provide concrete steps to establish unconditional self-worth and cultivate the skill of love. I particularly enjoyed the inspirational quotes from men and women who have realized their self-worth and thus been able to reach out beyond themselves. This book is a great personal investment!” —Pamela G. Barainca, R.D., L.D., clinical dietitian “Even successful people have self-defeating ideas that impair self-esteem. At least one idea from every page has affected myself, my life, and every single person that I have spoken to in my professional life.” —Mohammad Beiraghdar, medical student “I found The Self-Esteem Workbook to be an infinitely deep wellspring in my work as a volunteer facilitator for groups of victims of abuse. It is clear and easy to understand and its step-by-step program is perfect for those struggling with self-worth issues. Its timeless content applies to anyone suffering with low self-esteem. I have used it over and over and will continue to do so. Thank you Glenn Schiraldi!” —Janet Harkness, homemaker, mother  THE SELF-ESTEEM WORKBOOK NEW HARBINGER PUBLICATIONS GLENN R. SHIRALDI, PH.D   Publisher’s Note This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the un- derstanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought. The authors and/or publisher have generously given permission to reprint and/or use extended quotations or entire works from the following copyrighted material: From Lifesigns: Intimacy, Fecundity and Ecstasy by H. J. Nouwen. Copyright 1986. Re- printed by permission of Doubleday. The poem If I Could Be by Ken Kirk. Reprinted by permission of Ken Kirk. From Hope and Help for Depression: A Practical Guide by Glenn Schiraldi. Copyright 1990. Reprinted by permission of Glenn Schiraldi. From It’s You I Like by Fred Rodgers. Copyright 1970. Used by permission of Fred M. Rogers and Family Communications, Inc., Pitts- burgh, PA. “Body Appreciation,” slightly condensed from Wisdom, Purpose, and Love by Jack Canfield. Copyright 1985. Re- printed by permission of Jack Canfield, coauthor Chicken Soup for the Soul series. “The Pleasant Events Schedule” and instructions adapted from Control Your Depression by P. M. Lewinsohn, R. F. Munoz, M. A. Youngren, and A. M. Zeiss. Copy- right 1986. By permission of Peter M. Lewinsohn. From “The Little Things That Make Life Worth Living” in the Providence Jour- nal-Bulletin. Reprinted by permission of Mark Patinkin. Corrective experiences from Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw and Cycles of Power by P. Levin. Reprinted with permission of Health Communications, Inc. Love Finds a Way by Bob Greene. Reprinted by permission of Tribune Media Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Rational Responses to Four of Ellis’ Irrational Beliefs by Russell A. Bourne, Jr., Ph.D., chief of staff, the Upledger Institute, Palm Beach Gardens, FL Reprinted by per- mission of Russell A. Bourne, Jr. Preassessment questions, laws of human worth, original list of externals, diagrams of worth as separate from externals and contrasting ways to conceptualize human worth, example of failure to be promoted, and the “Nev- ertheless Skills” from Claudia A. Howard, Individual Potential Seminars, 606 S. Davis Street, West, TX. Distributed in the U.S.A. by Publishers Group West; in Canada by Raincoast Books; in Great Britain by Airlift Book Company, Ltd.; in South Africa by Real Books, Ltd.; in Australia by Boobook; and in New Zealand by Tandem Press. Cover design by Poulson/Gluck Design Edited by Jueli Gastwirth Library of Congress number: 01-132281 ISBN 1-57224-252-3 Paperback All Rights Reserved Copyright © 2010 by Glenn R. Schiraldi New Harbinger Publications, Inc. 5674 Shattuck AvenueOakland, CA 94609   When we plant a rose seed in the earth, we notice that it is small, but we do not criticize it as “rootless and stemless.” We treat it as a seed, giving it the water and nourishment required of a seed. When it first shoots up out of the earth, we don’t condemn it as immature and underdeveloped, nor do we criticize the buds for not being open when they appear. We stand in wonder at the process taking place and give the plant the care it needs at each stage of its development. The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed to the time it dies. Within it, at all times, it contains its whole potential. It seems to be constantly in the process of change; yet at each state, at each moment, it is [whole] as it is (Gallwey 1974).   I dedicate this work to my angel mother, who—like so many mothers throughout history—has quietly modeled so many of the principles described herein.   Contents Acknowledgments ix Introduction 1 PART I UNDERSTANDING SELF-ESTEEM Chapter 1 Why Self-Esteem? 5 Chapter 2 Getting Ready: The Physical Preparation 9 Chapter 3 Self-Esteem and How It Develops 19 PART II FACTOR I THE REALITY OF UNCONDITIONAL HUMAN WORTH Chapter 4 The Basics of Human Worth 29  Chapter 5 Recognize and Replace Self-Defeating Thoughts 39 Chapter 6 Acknowledge Reality: “Nevertheless!” 53 Chapter 7 Regard Your Core Worth 57 Chapter 8 Create the Habit of Core-Affirming Thoughts 63 Chapter 9 An Overview of Unconditional Human Worth 67 FACTOR II EXPERIENCING UNCONDITIONAL LOVE Chapter 10 The Basics of Unconditional Love 71 Chapter 11 Find, Love, and Heal the Core Self 77 Chapter 12 The Language of Love 83 Chapter 13 The Good Opinion of Others 89 Chapter 14 Acknowledge and Accept Positive Qualities 93 Chapter 15 Cultivate Body Appreciation 99 Chapter 16 Reinforce and Strengthen Body Appreciation 105 Chapter 17 Assert Self-Love and Appreciation 109 Chapter 18 Eyes of Love Meditation 113 Chapter 19 Liking the Face in the Mirror 115 Chapter 20 An Overview of Unconditional Love 117 FACTOR III THE ACTIVE SIDE OF LOVE: GROWING Chapter 21 The Basics of Growing 121 Chapter 22 Accept That You Aren’t Perfect 129 Chapter 23 Just for the Fun of It (Contemplating Possibilities) 133 Chapter 24 Take Stock of Your Character 137 Chapter 25 Experience Pleasure 143 Chapter 26 Prepare for Setbacks 151 Chapter 27 An Overview of Growing 161 Epilogue Summing Up 165 viii The Self-Esteem Workbook  APPENDICES Appendix I Model for Helping the Person in Distress 169 Appendix II Forgiving the Self 173 Appendix III Touching the Past with Love 175 Recommended Readings 179 Bibliography 181 Contents ix